The other day someone thanked me for a character reference letter I wrote for them to be used in a misdemeanor charge in court. I am slightly jaded by that experience now…. I didn’t receive an email or text message saying “thank you” or acknowledging they received the letter. When we met, the person said, “thank you but I don’t know how much it actually helped.” I’m not sure why this interaction bothered me so much, but it did.

When I was living and working as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) in Japan, Kojima Sensei once shared some wisdom with me. He shared with me the phrase, 礼は二度する (rei wa nido suru) “say your thanks twice” It’s something I learned in my mid 20’s and I’ve taken into my life.

Here is how you would thank a person twice: Thank the person at after the event and thank them before your next encounter. For example, maybe someone buys you lunch on Friday and you thank them at that time. The next time you see each other maybe Monday, you should thank them again for buying lunch on Friday.

The idea is that you are not dismissing the “gift” after one encounter, but instead addressing it in your next encounter to express your sense of gratitude. Showing gratitude is not only an essential life skill, but also an integral part of human relationships and business interactions.

According to a blog article I read, there is a psychological effect that takes place when you thank someone after some time has passed. Thanking someone after some time has passed conveys a sense of appreciation to the “gift giver.” From my experience, having a blank set of “thank you” cards to write are a great way to convey your gratitude or sense of appreciation.